Don't be a Bully!
by Decepti-Kitty
Summary: Remy Buxaplenty finds two random items that end up changing his lonely life. Slight Norm/OC.
1. Chapter 1

I

"I wonder if she's still in circulation…." Norm the genie wondered. He was lounging on the couch in his lava lamp, starting at the wall. He had started thinking about a female genie he had met years ago when he was younger. He had liked her. She got on his nerves, though, only because she was so much like him.

Norm couldn't remember her name. He tried to remember but it just wouldn't come to him. "Where did you disappear to?"

* * *

Remy Buxaplenty was sitting under a tree during lunch at Dimmsdale Elementary, waiting for the day to end. He was bored. Bored and extremely lonely. He had no friends. Not even his parents seemed to want to be around him.

"I wish I had at least _one_ friend…" Remy sighed, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them.

He watched as Timmy Turner, a boy Remy didn't like fore some reason, played kickball with his friends. He glared at the other boy. "Stupid Turner… Stupid Turner's friends… Why can't _I_ have friends?" Remy whined.

The bell rang to single the end of lunch. Remy stood and brushed himself off. He leaned against the tree and waited for Turner and his friends to disappear into the building. Remy groaned in sadness; he was very lonely. He hardly had any attention. He was rich, sure, but he still had no friends. At the moment, Remy wouldn't have minded the kind of friends that only liked him for his money. He just wanted anything remotely close to a friend. And it seemed that a friend was the only thing his money couldn't get him.

* * *

Remy gave a relieved sigh as the bell rang to end the school day. He collected his books and shoved them into his backpack. Remy stood and slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the classroom, pausing to momentarily glare at Turner.

Oblivious to the glare, Timmy ran over his best friends, Chester and AJ, and walked out of the building with them.

The blond sighed again and walked outside, ignoring the small army of butlers that followed him. He turned and told them he wanted to be alone and that he would walk home. Being obedient only because they were paid to be, the butlers nodded and backed away from their young employer.

Remy hung his head as he trudged along the sidewalk. He heard a clamor of people and looked up to see a yard sale ahead. Curious, Remy walked over to the sale to look around.

There was a lot of junk for sale; old video tapes, movie posters, feather dusters, and other useless household items on eventually throws in a box that gets shoved in the attic or basement, whichever happens to be closest to where the box is packed.

Remy spotted a lonely looking lava lamp and an old music amp sitting off to the side. He smiled at the items sadly. "I know how you feel. Everyone is interested in everything else but you…" He walked over to the woman in charge of the yard sale and asked how much the amp and lamp was. Remy noticed that the woman seemed genuinely perplexed by the presence of the items, almost as if she had never seen them before. She shrugged and said that he could have them for nothing, as she didn't know who they belonged to or where they came from.

Remy happily placed the lamp in his bag, picked up the amp and headed home.

******************

"Mother! Father! I'm home!" Remy called, knowing he wouldn't get a response. He sighed. "Why do I even bother?" He muttered sadly and sulked up to his room, hugging the amp.

Despite being rich, Remy had a fairly ordinary room. It was plain, with white walls, a TV, a few dressers, a closet, and a bed. He walked over to the desk by his bed, put the amp on the floor and pulled out the lamp, setting it on the desk. Remy then noticed how dirty the items were.

"Well, I should clean you up at least," he said with a smile. Remy turned and walked into his bathroom, which, annoyingly enough, was far more extravagant than his bedroom, and grabbed a towel. He came back out, sat in the desk chair, and began cleaning the lamp.

The lamp shuddered. Or, at least, Remy _thought_ it shuddered. Lamps don't shudder. Do they? Shrugging, Remy ignored it and continued cleaning. The lamp shook again. Remy jumped up and backed away from it. "Okay, I _know_ it moved. But, that's insane! Lamps can't move!"

Suddenly, a cloud of teal blue smoke poured out of the lamp and a figure spiraled out. It was a man. He looked to be in his 20s, and he had tan skin, black hair, and somehow seemed familiar to Remy. "Okay, who woke me up?" The man growled in annoyance. He looked at Remy and face-palmed. "_Another_ kid?" He groaned.

Remy fell backwards and hit the amp with a THUD. "Oww…" He muttered, rubbing his head, trying to sit up. His shoulder rubbed against the amp and it started pulsing, as if it were playing music. Remy quickly backed away from this item as well, and he ended up bumping into the strange man, who seemed just as surprised.

"What the?" The man murmured.

Before he could say anything else, a puff of reddish pink smoke flowed out of the amp and took the shape of a curvy, pink-skinned woman. She looked at Remy and smiled.

"I am Funk! I'm a magical genie and for releasing me for my prison, you get three, rule-free wishes!" She said, conjuring a sign that had her name.

"Hey, hey, hey!" The man said, floating over to the woman named Funk. "_I_ was here first, pinky. _I_ get to grant this kid his wishes." He lightly shoved the woman out of his way. "Okay, kid, let's try this again… I am Norm! _I'm_ a magical genie and for releasing _me_, you get three, rule-free wishes!" He said, snapping his fingers and creating a sign similar to Funk's, only it said 'NORM'.

Funk crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Since when is it a rule that someone can't have _two_ genies? And, even if there was such a rule, when have genies _ever_ followed the rules?"

Norm frowned and glared at Funk. "Yeah, yeah. Big deal. The pipsqueak freed me first, so I got first dibs."

Remy was very confused. Genies? Genies weren't real. At least, they weren't _supposed_ to be… "So, you can grant any wish I want?"

Funk pushed Norm out of the way and grinned at Remy. "Sure can, little man. So, what's your name?" She asked good-naturedly.

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"That's a good name."

"Thank you."

Norm grabbed Funk's shoulder and made her face him. He looked her over and gaped. "It's you! That damn female who cheated me out of a bet!"

Funk stared at Norm. "Oh, that was you?" She asked, feigning innocence. She pulled away from Norm and turned back to Remy. "So, what do you wish for?"

Remy looked down, feeling silly. "Umm… Could you two, uh… You see, I'm always alone and I was wondering… Could you just stay around and umm… Pretend to be my… Uh… My parents?"


	2. Chapter 2

II

Norm and Funk stared blankly at Remy before shouting in unison, "WHAT?!"

Remy blushed and looked down, feeling a little self-conscious. "That's what I wish… You said you could grant any wish I wanted and that's what I want: Parents who love me."

"Kid, we don't even _know_ you. What makes you think we'd want to be your---?!" Norm was cut off by Funk elbowing him in the ribs. "What's your malfunction, pinky?!"

Funk glared at Norm. "Don't be a bully," She said firmly. She turned to Remy and smiled. "Well, you didn't _wish_ for us to be your parents. And if you _did_ wish us to be your parents, there's a good chance we'd be doing exactly what your real parents are doing. But, since you asked so nicely for us to _pretend_ we're your parents, I'll agree to it."

Norm crossed his arms and frowned. He wanted to say something but he kept quiet.

Remy hugged Funk. "Really? Thank you so much!"

The pink genie was surprised by this action; she wasn't used to being hugged. Instead, she merely patted Remy's head and smiled.

Norm glared at her. He was remembering how she had conned him out of horse race bet. Funk had tricked Norm, which was fairly impressive, into betting on the losing horse while she bet on the winner. She was a sneaky one, Funk. Not as sneaky as Norm could be, but sneaky all the same.

The blond smiled widely at his genies. He looked out the window and noticed that the sun was setting. "Are you guys hungry?" He asked.

Funk shook her head. "I'm fine." Remy turned to look at Norm, who also shook his head.

"Okay, well, make yourselves comfortable. I'm going to go eat something and I'll be back up in a bit." He smiled at them and walked out of the room.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Norm spoke. "What the hell do you think you're doing, pinky?"

Funk faced him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you doing, telling this kid we'll be his parents? I am _not_ a father, nor do I want to be. Whatever it is you're up to, leave me out of it."

"Norm, this kid is just like us. He's all alone; no one cares about him…"

"Not our problem," Norm replied stubbornly.

Funk glared at him. "It is now that he's our master."

Norm frowned. "You're a lot like me, pinky, so why are you so set on helping him? I could care less, and so should you."

"I want to help him because I feel the same way he does. I know you do too." She paused. "What do you mean I should care less?"

"Because I'm always trying to screw up my master's wishes on purpose."

"Maybe that's why no one has wished you free." She said, crossing her arms.

Okay. That comment stung. "You know what, you little bitch? So what if that's true? What about you? Why are you still not free?"

Funk turned away from him. "Because I trick people too," She replied, annoyance creeping into her voice. "And humans are greedy, so they deserve it."

"Exactly!" Norm shouted, floating in front of her. "See? You're the same way I am."

"This is different…"

"No, it isn't! He's the same as every other master we've ever had! You've never had a kid master, have you?"

Funk shook her head. "No…"

"And the fact that you're a woman doesn't help."

"Are you being sexist?!" Funk growled and grabbed his collar.

Norm raised his hands in a 'hey-hey-take-it-easy' gesture. "I'm just saying that because you're a woman, you have what is known as 'maternal instincts' and you pity him because he's a kid."

Funk released Norm's shirt and glared. "That doesn't make it any less offensive."

Norm chuckled. "You know… You're pretty cute when you get all fired up like that…"


	3. Chapter 3

III

Funk blushed, thankful that it blended into her skin tone. "Excuse me?!" She stammered, Norm's sudden flirty compliment surprising her. It was a flattering thing to say, but she knew he probably didn't mean it.

"I said, 'you're cute when you get fired up'. Do I need to repeat myself again?" Norm said coyly.

The female shook her head in an attempt to clear it. Actually, it was more out of frustration. "Ugh… Don't change the subject."

Norm merely chuckled and floated closer to her. "I haven't forgotten that you conned me out of a lot of money. But, you're just so… _desirable_ that I can't seem to stay mad."

Funk backed away from Norm, a little unnerved by his drastic change in attitude. Was Norm bipolar?

"Okay, swinger, back off," Funk said, silently cursing herself for allowing a nervous tone to creep into her voice.

"No, I won't back off. I wanted to know what you're planning. Are you going to trick the kid into setting us free?" Norm asked, moving closer and successfully trapping Funk in a corner.

The female shook her head. "I don't want to trick Remy; I want to help him. If we help him, he might free us."

Norm raised an eyebrow at her. "Sure…" He said sarcastically. He smiled deviously and quickly kissed Funk.

Funk's eyes widened in surprise and her hands shot up and covered her mouth. The red of her blush was now visible. "You… You jerk!" She shouted, her voice muffled by her hands.

Norm smirked and moved away from her. "That was my payback."

"Payback? How is a kiss payback?!"

He shrugged. "It just was."

* * *

An hour later, the door opened and Remy walked in. He looked around his room and saw Norm lounging on the bed and Funk was sitting at the desk wearing a pair on neon green headphones. She looked irritated.

Norm didn't acknowledge Remy and instead glanced over at Funk and tossed a crumpled piece of paper at her.

Funk bolted forward and threw a pencil at Norm.

Remy laughed. They were acting like children. He watched as Funk noticed him and lowered her headphones.

"Hey, kiddo," she smiled. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Did you two get in a fight while I was downstairs?" Remy asked, looking from Funk to Norm and back.

Norm shook his head. "Nah, we were just talking."

Remy nodded, accepting the response. He yawned. "I'm tired… Could I have my bed now, please?" He asked, walking over to Norm.

The genie looked at him. "I'm comfortable…" Norm whined. He yelped when Funk shoved him out of the bed. He glared at her.

"There you go, Remy."

"Thank you." He smiled and crawled into the bed. Funk covered Remy and tucked him in, taking her role as his false mother. "Funk, will you sing to me?"

Funk blinked. "Sing?"

"Yes. Mothers sing to their children, don't they?" Remy replied, smiling.

The female genie couldn't bring herself to refuse. "Okay." She said finally. She sat beside him on the bed and started humming a lullaby she heard from a movie once.

Norm sat in the chair Funk had abandoned and closed his eyes, listening.

'_Hush now, my baby  
Be still love, don't cry  
Sleep as you're rocked by the stream  
Sleep and remember  
My last lullaby  
And I'll be with you when you dream_

Drift on a river  
That flows through my arms  
Drift as I'm singing to you  
I see you smiling  
So peaceful and calm  
And holding you, I'm smiling, too  
Here in my arms  
Safe from all harm  
Holding you, I'm smiling, too…'

The song was very gentle. Norm liked it. He liked the way Funk was singing. It was, for lack of a better term, beautiful. Like her…

Remy was now sleeping peacefully, sweet dreams making there way into his mind.

Funk smiled and looked at Norm. "What?"

Norm kissed her again. "It was… Pretty…"_  
_


	4. Chapter 4

IV

Funk stared at him. "So, are you saying you like his wish for us to be his parents?"

"Well, I like the idea that I can get away with kissing you," Norm replied with a shrug.

The female shook her head and smiled. "Really now? I thought you didn't like me."

Norm looked at her blankly. He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. "Sing for me, too. I don't care what you sing, just sing, Songbird."

Funk blushed at the name. "'Songbird'? What happened to 'pinky'?" She asked, watching him.

The male genie merely shrugged. "Both names suit you and this one is a little less insulting. What? Do you _want_ me to call you pinky?" He opened his eyes and gave her an amused look. He chuckled when she shook her head. "Look, I'm tired. Sing."

She frowned. She didn't like being told what to do by humans, save for Remy, and she'd be damned if Norm was going to boss her around. "No."

Norm sighed in annoyance. "I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night if you sing."

Funk nodded slowly. "Okay, fine. One song. If you aren't asleep by the time it's over, tough luck, swinger." She leaned back against the bed and began to sing another song she had heard.

'_Many night's we've prayed  
With no proof anyone could hear  
In our hearts a hopeful song  
We barely understood,  
Now we are not afraid  
Although we know there's much to fear  
We were moving mountains  
long before we knew we could_

_There can be miracles  
When you believe  
Though hope is frail  
Its hard to kill  
Who knows what miracles  
You can achieve  
When you believe  
Somehow you will__  
__Now you will  
You will when you believe..._'

Funk looked over at Norm, whose breathing had become steady and even. She smiled. "You can be very handsome when you're not running your mouth…" She said and laid down beside Remy, drifting of to sleep, humming to herself.

* * *

The next morning, Remy began to stir from sleep. He rolled over and felt an oddly calming warmth beside him. He opened his eyes and saw Funk resting beside him. Remy grinned. So, he hadn't been dreaming. Norm and Funk were real.

The blond looked over to where Norm had been that night and noticed that he was gone. Remy jumped up and caused Funk to jump with a squeak.

"R-Remy?! What's wrong?" She asked, trying to slow her rapid heartbeat.

Remy pointed to where Norm had been. "Norm! Norm's gone!"

Funk looked over her shoulder at the desk. Norm _was_ gone. Where could he have gone?

"Do you think I made wishes in my sleep and Norm granted them? He might be back in his lamp now!" Remy cried sadly.

"I don't think that would be the case. Norm's not stupid, despite what I may think of him."

"I'm worried! What if something happened?"

Funk placed a gentle hand on Remy's shoulder. "Okay, calm down. I'll go look for him. You just get ready to go to school and we'll both be here when you get home. Okay?"

Remy nodded and rustled through his dresser.

Funk gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "Be good and have fun." She said sweetly and GONGed away to begin her search for Norm.


	5. Chapter 5

V

"Okay, think like Norm, think like Norm…" Funk muttered to herself. "Where to look first?"

She GONGed herself to the horse race track. She looked around for a familiar gold fez, but she didn't see him. Funk put her hands on her hips and frowned. She snapped and GONGed to a casino.

"He's the gambling type, so he should be around here somewhere…" She mumbled, looking around. "Not here either?"

Funk smacked herself. The beach. Duh, of course! She GONGed to the beach and GONGed herself into a swimsuit and walked along the shore. She could completely understand why Norm would want to be here.

"Hey there, beautiful. Come here often?"

Funk recognized the voice and turned. "Norm!"

Norm jumped back. "What the?! Funk?! What are you doing here?!"

"What are _you_ doing here?! Remy was worried about you and apparently he didn't need to be! What are you doing at the beach, Norm? Cruising for chicks? Trolling for tart? Prowling for prostitutes?!" Funk shouted angrily.

Norm blinked at how blunt Funk was. "You don't have to say it like that!" He growled defensively.

"How should I say it? That's the best way to put it! That's what your doing right? Picking up girls?" She glared at him darkly.

"So what if I am? You're not my wife, you aren't even my girlfriend! What do you care?" Norm crossed his arms and returned the glare.

Funk just shook her head. "I told Remy I would come and find you and bring you back home. So, come home."

Norm looked away for a moment then glared at her again. "This is the only time I get a chance to be out and about. Now, I don't know about you but I am _not_ okay with the way I've spent my existence! I don't like being a slave to humans!"

"And you think I do?!" Funk replied sharply. "I hate the way of life we are forced to live. I hate just as much as you do. But, I feel for Remy and he feels for us. You can ignore it all you want but you know it's true."

Norm turned away from her. "Whatever."

Funk sighed in aggravation and waved a dismissive hand. "Do what you want." She turned and started walking in the opposite direction. "You know," she began pausing and turning back to Norm. "I thought you and I would make great parents. I was glad to see you after so long. I won't lie; I developed a crush on you all those years ago. I was hoping I'd see you again."

Norm was speechless. Funk had a crush on him?

"But," she continued, "it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. Just check in so Remy won't worry. I'm going back now." With a GONG, she was gone.

The genie couldn't believe what Funk had just said. Now he felt bad. He stared at the beach and decided to GONG back to Remy's as well.


	6. Chapter 6

VI

Norm appeared in Remy's room and saw Funk lying on the bed. He sat beside her and faced the wall.

"I thought you were too busy flirting to be around a stupid kid."

Norm glanced at Funk and sighed. "Well, thanks for putting me on a guilt trip, Songbird."

"That's the only reason you came back? You felt guilty?"

"No. Well, sort of. I felt bad for making Blondie worry, and felt bad for hurting your feelings."

Funk rolled over a faced him. She just looked at Norm, annoyance seeping into her face. The look she was giving him suggested that he should watch what he said. "Tread carefully, swinger, or the ice might break and you'll drown."

Norm frowned. "I'm trying to apologize here." He said, leaning over Funk. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Happy now?"

"I'm fine. I was upset with you for Remy. I don't care what you do. You don't want to be tied down, I get it. I understand. It's your life, so do what you want. I can explain it to Remy, and he might set you free and you can go and do whatever you want."

"You're making me sound like a bad guy…" Norm groaned, face-palming.

Funk grinned playfully. "Am I? Glad to see that it's working."

Norm blinked in confusion and stared at her. "What?" He asked flatly.

She merely giggled and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. You are a guy, after all."

"And I should have told you guys where I was…" Norm smiled and returned the hug. "Did you really have a crush on me or were you just saying that to make me feel guilty?"

Funk pulled away and stared at her lap. "Well… I wasn't lying… I really did like you… I still do, actually… But I know you aren't one for commitment, so…"

"Maybe I'll start to change my mind. I don't know… I never really had a long-term relationship, so…"

Funk shrugged. "Anything's possible."

* * *

Remy sulked the school day away. He was still worried about Norm. Would Funk be able to find him? Was Norm okay? Would he be okay once Funk got a hold of him?

The blond shuddered as he imagined what Funk would do to Norm for upsetting her and Remy. He imagined a snake pit, sharp spikes, 'closing-in' walls, and a few other torturous things that cannot be mentioned due to the current rating.

He trudged along the street, butlers close behind. Remy looked up as he neared his house. He saw two figures in his bedroom window and hurried inside. He dropped his backpack on the floor and bolted up the stairs. Remy burst into his room and tackled Norm.

"I'm so glad you're okay!!" Remy cried. "I was so worried!"

Norm gave Funk one of those 'um-help?' looks. Funk shook her head and smiled. With a sigh, Norm patted Remy's head. "Chill out, spazzo. I'm fine."

"Where were you?" The blond asked.

"Umm…" Norm looked away. "At the beach."

"That's a relief. What were you doing?"

"Flirting with girls…"

Remy pushed Norm away and stared at him in disbelief. "Picking up girls?! No! Y-you can't do that! You have to be with only Funk!"

Funk and Norm blushed darkly. This was getting complicated…


End file.
